Dear Diary: I Think I’m Getting My Life Back On Track
‘Even the smallest actions are steps in the right direction.’
I guess you could say I haven’t exactly been having the time of my life in these last few months. I don’t want to get into too many details- especially as I’ve been mentioning some of my main issues in my recent posts- but I’m not currently living the life I wish I was.
Things started to seem a bit different at the beginning of the week; I had a few job interviews lined up and, for the first time since I rejected the last job offer I had, I had the prospect of having a regular income, and possibly a place to call my own that wasn’t my childhood bedroom. It was exciting.
However, anxiety reared its ugly head again (in a way that I hadn’t experienced since I ended up in A&E a week before my eighteenth birthday), which meant I missed one of the interviews. It also made life at home pretty difficult.
I’m trying to look at things a little differently now though- good vibes and all that! I had another job interview earlier today so the prospect of money is still there. I also cemented a friendship on New Year’s Eve. My friend and I opened up to each other and I now feel like a weight has been lifted. I feel like I have space to breath and, for the first time in a long time, I feel accepted. The last people I opened up to no longer speak to me and that hurts, so this is just what I needed.
I think after the dark turn the world took last year, acceptance is one of the most important things a person can have in their lives and, as I look at this blank canvas that we’re calling 2017, I have it to carry me forward.
Talking of the New Year, I’ve realised that I’m a strong believer in making changes at the beginning of a year. I know a lot of people hate all this ‘New Year, New Me’ stuff that is thrown about on just about every social media platform at this time of year- they think it’s all bullshit and most of the people who say it don’t really mean it. Those people would probably be right but who cares?
What I love about people pledging to be different come the New Year is that they’ve recognised that there’s a chance for them to start over, so to speak. Yes, their past will carry over with them but there now seems to be more of a chance to put things right, to change the things about themselves that they don’t really like, to do some things that they’ve always wanted to do. People see a new year as a little bit of a chance to breath- just like I feel right now.
I have hope for this year and, I don’t want to jinx anything but, I’m optimistic that it’ll be a good one. I feel like this is the year that I’m going to set my life on the right course. Of course, I could always become another one of the people who pledge to change but do nothing of the sort but I really hope I don’t.
This year is going to be different, I can feel it.
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