I feel like I don’t write very many lifestyle or personal posts anymore but I feel like, when I do, they’re always centred around me not knowing what the bloody hell I’m doing with my life (like this one I wrote not long ago when I graduated from university). But that’s because my life currently consists of me not knowing what the bloody hell I want from life so I’m going to write this post anyway which is also focused on me not knowing what the bloody hell I want from life. Okay now that’s all clear, enjoy:
Thursday officially marked the beginning of Autumn on the Northern Hemisphere so it’s now finally acceptable to drink pumpkin spiced lattes, woohoo (just kidding. I’ve never had a pumpkin spiced anything). In all seriousness though, ‘tis the season of change; the weather’s changing so now every morning is going to be filled with a slight autumnal chill making it just that bit harder to prise yourself away from your duvet (unless you like the cold you weirdo), the trees are becoming beautiful orange/yellow/red colours again changing the landscape from a bit bland to bright and vibrant, and many of us are starting to get that feeling of wanting to make some sort of change to our lives, but lots of us just don’t know what sort of change. I get it, I really do.
At the moment I feel like I want go back to uni to study for a Masters, but I also never want to set foot in a university again. I want to start a career in forensic psychology, but I also want to just travel the world and make my living from writing about the places I’ve been to. I want to move into a house with housemates so I can keep a social life on tap, but I also want to live alone so I can decorate how I want, have as many cats as I please and start to feel like a fully functioning adult. I want to be in another relationship but I also want to stay on my own and embrace not being tied down for a little longer. Do you see my problem?
I don’t just get this feeling in Autumn though- I get it all the freakin’ time. It’s kind of exhausting but also kind of nice; if you’re always swinging backwards and forwards with what you want from life then it means you’re thinking positively about your future and it means you’re privileged enough to have options.
If you are also stuck between your options- whether you’re still at school, have just graduated from university, or have had a career for twenty years- I want to say that it’s okay to not know what you want from life. Maybe we’ll suddenly realise what we want and live happily ever after (lol no chance for me, I’m way too indecisive), or maybe it’ll slowly come to us over time. Maybe we’ll accidently fall into our perfect life path, or maybe we’ll always be stuck in a perpetual state of I want to be a wild child and drink ten fishbowls at a full moon party in Thailand and then write about it on the beach the next day, vs I want to spend every weekend in Ikea and then walk my dogs around the countryside and then maybe have a couple of glasses of wine and go to bed at a reasonable time. And that’s okay.
Repeat after me: very few people have it all figured out, no matter what stage they’re at in their lives.
The way I see it, life is full of little surprises, and, whilst it is always good to have goals and ambitions, being too rigid about them is not good for you. Having a vague idea of what you want to do with your life- I want to have a career in this field, I want to travel forever, I want to have children one day- is good as it means you have something to work towards and look forward to. Having your life too mapped out and forcing yourself to stick to a firm schedule is not so good. What if life throws you one hell of a curveball (which, as everyone knows, is life’s fave past time), and things don’t work out the way they were supposed to? Life is much better when you go with the flow and live for now and the near future (if you’d have told 14 year old me I’d be writing this in a few years she probably would have shouted at you and told you how very wrong you were. Fourteen year old me was a planner!).
What I’m saying is it’s okay to not know what you want to do with your life because plans change and people change, so being indecisive is often a sign that you’re growing and changing as a person. What you want now may not be what you want in ten years’ time. Live for the now, with vague plans and goals for the future, and your life will figure itself out.
Is anyone else as indecisive as me? Do you prefer to plan for the long-term or live in the moment?