I’m sure many of us have been there- submitting job application after job application, and praying to the Job Gods every day, but getting nowhere. I sometimes think that some people, from older generations especially, don’t seem to get just how difficult getting a job is these days- especially if you’re a graduate and you’re trying to get a job that fits in with your degree.
If you’re currently job searching, or have felt the struggle before, you will probably have had some of these things said to you:
Why haven’t you got a job yet?
Ah yes, this old chestnut. Well, I haven’t got a job yet because all of the job trees have been cut down and us unemployed folk are having to forage around on the ground for jobs like teeny-tiny squirrels. As there are so many of us, it’s bloody damn hard to find one.
When I was your age I walked out of a job on Friday and walked straight into another one on Monday
Um okay, not sure if you’re bragging or genuinely baffled as to why I’m not doing this. Am I supposed to congratulate you or march off down to Subway and just start making sandwiches?
How’s the job search going?
I spend my days wanting to repeatedly smash my head against a wall to relieve some of the boredom. So it’s going well, thanks for asking.
Well, have you been applying for many?
No? I haven’t applied for any because my understanding of how this getting employed malarkey works is, important people line up at our front doors begging us to work for them, whilst we lounge around in front of the TV all day. Are you telling me that you actually have to apply for tonnes of jobs every day? Urgh no wonder I’m still unemployed- I’ve been doing it wrong all this time!
Apply for jobs in different areas of work- broaden your horizons a little bit
Oh, okay yeah I’ll do that. Thanks for the advice. I mean, I’m applying for everything under the sun from burger flipper to teaching assistant so I guess I should branch out a little! Hello, NASA? I’m just wondering if you have any vacancies for astronauts at the moment?
I’m so jealous of all your free time!
Yeah all that free time we unemployed folk have to do whatever we wish with. Why would anybody even bother with a job when all of this free time is so great? I mean, unemployment messes up your sleeping pattern so we’re usually groggily getting out of bed mid-afternoon, nobody is around in the daytime to occupy us because they’re all at work, we have no money to leave the house anyway and it’s given us cabin fever, but yeah, all of this free time is wonderful!
Something will turn up soon.
I know people mean well when they say this but I wish they’d save the half-arsed motivational speech for when I’m waiting for a late bus or moping about not being in a relationship for the 3978435th time. Public transport and binge drinkers ‘turn up’, jobs do not.
Do you want to go out/grab coffee/go on holiday?
Well, yes but I’m unemployed and very, very poor. Currently, my only options are staying at home and crying all day or looking at pictures of sunny beaches I’d rather be on (and praying that my laptop doesn’t break because I can’t afford a new one). Thanks for the offer but come back to me another time.
*This is just a little bit of satire not meant to offend anyone. I know most of the time when people say these things they’re said with the best of intentions.
Can anyone relate? What’s the most annoying thing someone has said to you whilst you’ve been looking for a job? Let me know in the comments!
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