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Why You Should NEVER Visit The UK In December

sunset over the water


I just don’t get it. There are so many other places to visit during December, why would you come to the UK? Here are a few reasons why a Wintery trip to the United Kingdom is a terrible idea:

It’s too Bright- In December every town in the UK decks itself out in Christmas lights. You’ve got every street in London trying to outdo each other with its lights- Oxford street, Regent Street, Carnaby Christmas lights, The Strand- name a street in the capital and it’s likely you’ll need sunglasses to stroll down them.

Even the quaint little villages have their own lights and switch on events. My village had theirs a couple of weeks ago and there were fireworks, a fun fair and market stalls. I mean, could they not have just switched the lights on and be done with it? And don’t even get me started on the Street of Light on George Street in Edinburgh; 60,000 bulbs which have been on since November this year! Just think of your eyes and don’t come and see the UK’s Christmas lights for yourself!

lights in the trees

Pubs are so old fashioned- Getting an authentic British pub experience by sitting in a cosy old Victorian pub next to a roaring fire, eating a roast dinner whilst not feeling any of the cold outside? No thank you, that sounds awful. I’d rather have central heating in a lifeless modern building over that any day!

I don’t want to have to listen to the crackling of a roaring fire as I eat/get festively merry, and I don’t want to feel it’s heat. It’s December  for goodness sake, it’s supposed to be cold. I also don’t want to have to duck under old wooden support beams draped in tinsel every time I stand up, knowing that Victorians did the same thing years ago. It’s a pub, I’m here to drink not have a history lesson!

The food is terrible- British food is known for being stodgy and loaded with carbs but who wants carby food in one of the coldest months of the year? Who in their right mind would want to eat a full English/Scottish/Irish breakfast or a piping hot puff pastry pie or a huge plate of Haggis on a freezing cold day? (well, not me because I’m a vegetarian but you get the idea).

Whose ideal day would be to curl up by a fire with a big cup of tea and some scones, or welsh cakes, or shortbread? Why would you want to treat yourself to some sticky toffee pudding or some Spotted Dick (no, you grow up) or a hot fruity crumble? Give me a salad please instead of these awful, obviously not made for winter foods!

mince pie

People are too happy- We Brits are known as a grumpy lot but there’s just something about Christmas that, unfortunately, changes all of that in December. Who wants to come to a country where everyone is happy and friendly? Not me, that’s who! I want a country to be full of miserable people when I visit; I feel like it really adds something to the experience.

What’s even worse is that, not only is pretty much everyone really happy, there’s more people in the UK during December. I guess it’s just people coming home for the holidays or just visiting because it’s a popular place. God knows why though!

lights over melton victorian market

It’s not even British in December- British cities like London, Edinburgh, Manchester and Birmingham regularly feature in numerous ‘top festive markets across Europe‘ lists but everyone knows festive markets are German. The German food stollen (as well as other marzipan based treats) are very popular in the UK around Christmas time, and all those huge, outlandishly decorated Christmas trees found in pretty much every British city in December? They’re a German thing too!

In British homes on Christmas day you’ll find crackers but they have French origins, and all the mistletoe you’ll see decorating pubs and doorways across the country is Scandinavian. Seriously, why would you come to the UK if you’re not going to get to experience the quintessentially British things the guidebooks promise? {Source}

Nothing in the UK looks nice covered in snow- I mean, it doesn’t often snow in a lot of places in the UK in December but there’s always a real possibility that it can. The problem is nothing in the UK looks nice blanketed in snow- not the snowy Welsh and Scottish mountains, not the rolling hills of the English countryside, not the Dark Hedges in Northern Ireland. Nothing. Why would you want to see such ugliness?

It’s far too cold- This one is probably actually a very good reason why you shouldn’t come to the UK in Winter. Go to Australia instead, it’s summer there!

snow and ice on the water updated


As you’ve hopefully realised by now, this post is complete satire. The UK is a lovely place to come and visit at any time of year, but it’s especially lovely during December when all the holiday festivities are in full swing. A trip to this wonderful little island won’t leave you disappointed!

What’s your favourite thing about the UK in Winter? Let me know in the comments!

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